Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
