what day is it and did you see me today?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
