so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
