Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
