I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
