I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
