She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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