He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
