I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
