Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

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(631): View more from New York

lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

(1-631): View more from New York

wow.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.

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(585): View more from New York

aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"

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(817): View more from Texas

It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

(1-847): View more from Illinois

This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

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(404): View more from Georgia

The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??

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(310): View more from California

Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube

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