I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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