i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
