I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
