How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
