So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
