this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
