That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
