I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
