My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize