P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
God, I missed his penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
