mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
