I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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