Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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