so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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