So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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