I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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