let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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