someone threw a dead crab at me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
