nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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