Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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