butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
