He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
