he looks like a really good dad on facebook
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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