his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
