creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
