You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize