Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
