i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm both gender and math confused
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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