you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
