If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
