I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
