she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
