Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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