My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The adults are the big ones right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
