# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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