Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
