I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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