God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
