You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FUCK WHALES
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
