She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
