he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
