you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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