She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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