she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
