So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
