I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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