just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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