I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize