I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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