So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
