I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
