Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
