8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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