Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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