If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I looked at my own cervix.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
