oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
