Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
