I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
