Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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