A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
