Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize