smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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