You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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