It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize