go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
