it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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