I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
