this beer tastes like vomit already
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
