She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
