Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
