okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
