I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
