I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
