I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
