I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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