she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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