we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
