Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
