So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
