nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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