literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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