I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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